A Nice Cuppa

This coffee moment has been brought to you, care of Gus Van Sant’s Good Will Hunting.

He’s confident if not cocky when given a chance to throw out above average book smarts at the speed of a data entry clerk on Red Bull, but when it comes to girls calling him on his shyness….another story. Minnie Driver plays Skylar, the girl in question. Just another beer no-brainer in Boston for Will and the boys, though it happens to be where our young lovers meet, and one of the few moments in the film where he seems powerless…until he’s allowed to respond with a comment that’s equal parts thoughtful and smart assed.

SKYLAR: Maybe we could go out for coffee sometime?
WILL: Great, or maybe we could go somewhere and just eat a bunch of caramels.
SKYLAR: What?
WILL: When you think about it, it’s just as arbitrary as drinking coffee.

I see his point, but I’d like to think a round of caffeine between friends or strangers is more suitable to gab than say, Kool-aid by the swing set. It’s the atmosphere. It’s the drug. And that aside, it’s the sitting face to face with no other choice than to communicate, free of more common distractions you’d find elsewhere (televisions, hopefully computers, pets so adorably passive you want to shake them, scratch their necks and say things like “Ooooh you’re such a gooood boy aren’t you? Yes you arrrrrre”). And where do these conversations often pay a visit to, but to film. Not usually to films with coffee in them though. Unlike boxing or disgruntled ex’s with knives, coffee as a topic of film discussion is a tough go. There’s Jim Jarmusch’s Coffee and Cigarettes of course, which smatters a dozen conversations between unlikely celebrities around the two forever popular social fixes. Goodfellas has a short coffee moment when Joe Pesci offs a small time hood before he’s even dressed and shaved, then tells his partner to make a pot to go. And in Seven, coffee is used as a generic cop prop when Brad Pitt’s Detective Mills is shown holding two cups while waiting in the rain for partner Sommerset, though here at least coffee is a prop that serves Pitt’s character: the idealized do-gooding Serpico wanna-be.

But Seven is a film about an apathy driven serial killer, not tamping or the dry vs. wet process method. Coffee in motion pictures has for the most part then been…arbitrary. Water has had its fair share of attention on screen (Waterworld, Water, Chinatown). Tomatoes too (Fried Green Tomatoes, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes). Even summer barbecue fare has made the cut (Goodburger, Hotdog, Beer). But rarely coffee, until now. As a barista/ coffee agent/ joe slinger I’d like to bring coffee out of the background, using my own experience and observations as a guide. There’s a story out there about hot water filtering through Arabica grounds that needs to be told. It can entertain and inform. It can inspire as only coffee can. I think we’ve been waiting long enough.

CROUCHING BARISTA, HIDDEN LACTOSE (a screenplay)

Fade in:

Moving city streetcar - Dawn

The morning breaks with yawns and deep sighs. Freshly printed papers mint news that seems vaguely familiar to tired eyes but they rattle all the same, mostly to the business pages. Just another Tuesday on Bay Street, the heart of Toronto’s financial district. JUSTIN, 21, a smooth skinned urbanite of Japanese descent, adjusts his backpack amidst a streetcar of leather satchels and blackberries. Fashionably speaking, he stands out. Black t-shirt and pants: the hallmark of minimum wage in this part of town. A heavier navy blue school jacket lettered Engineering says it all. Student in transit. A part-time job awaits. He stares beyond the windows, at nothing, no one.

Coffee shop - Early Morning

Bing Crosby’s distinctive croon echoes across the black and copper-toned interior. FERINA, 26, South American, exotic and gentle until she’s crossed, readies the shop for the morning rush. She sets out six black canisters with the day’s coffee selections, signed for patron viewing. Two darks, two mediums, one feature, one flavored, and an Irish Creme, whose drinkers seem most passionate about their getting it, and uncompromising when they don’t. But fortunately it’s morning, too early in the day not to be civil in front of the world.

Justin enters, stone faced. Ferina begins setting out the breakfast pastries, scones and muffins among them.

FERINA: Good morning.
JUSTIN: Morning.

Justin scoops up a key ring and heads for the opposite end of the shop.

FERINA: Bring back some large lids and sugar will you?
JUSTIN: Who closed last night?
FERINA: I don’t know.
JUSTIN: Can you check and then tell them to stock large lids and sugar?
FERINA: They did their job.
JUSTIN: I’m doing their job. Mr. X doesn’t know their job.
FERINA: What’s acidity?
JUSTIN: What?
FERINA: Between which regions is commercial coffee production most benefited by elements of temperature and humidity?
JUSTIN: What!?
FERINA: Spell “Croissant.”
JUSTIN: (to himself) Someone’s had their caffeine I.V. jacked in early.

Justin continues on to the back stock room.

FERINA: (voice raised) Acidity gives sparkle and liveliness to coffee! Coffee is mainly produced between the tropics of Cancer and Capricorn! Croissant: c-r-o-i-s-s-a-n-t! Now who doesn’t know their job?! (to herself) Smart guy.

Justin closes the stockroom door shut. A knock against the glass door sounds in simultaneously. PATRON, mid 40s, handsome with ball-player physique, smiles inward. Ferina looks at her watch, and answers, opening the door a crack.

FERINA: Sorry, we’re not open yet.

The man’s face turns rigid. He braces a foot against the door.

PATRON: Then I guess I’ll be disagreeing with you.

(To be continued….)