A Nice Cuppa

CROUCHING BARISTA, HIDDEN LACTOSE (continued…)

Recap: At a downtown Toronto coffee shop, Justin and Ferina begin their morning with what appears like an ongoing squabble. While Justin changes in the stockroom, a man gets Ferina to open the door long enough to jam his foot against it, wedging it open. Bad news. He wants in.

And now, we continue with the Vanilla Thrilla.

FERINA: I said we’re not open, goofball.

PATRON: (suddenly tender) Come on Ferina, I’m already late and the outside world’s giving me no love.

FERINA: It is business friend, not a pleasure cruise.

PATRON: Fine. A coffee then…black.

Ferina softens. She reluctantly lets him in, then locks the door after him.

PATRON: That-a girl.

FERINA: There’s at least two things wrong with this Paul.

PATRON/PAUL: At least two things wrong with everything babe.

Paul removes a cigarette from a crumpled pack and flicks it between his lips. Ferina removes it. He kisses her on the cheek.

PAUL: You’ve gotta relax. All this bean around you and you still can’t relax.

FERINA: Caffeine makes people alert and jittery. It is a stimulant Paul.

PAUL: Yeah, well so am I. (motions to the coffee) Uhh, Continental.

Ferina pours, with a smirk. Paul runs his eyes about the store. He looks pleased.

PAUL: Have you talked to your father about me?

She plays some programmed coffee house music. Her smirk vanishes. They’ve had this conversation before.

PAUL: About the shop. About letting….come on Ferina, you know what you’ve got here? You know what I can do with this place?

FERINA: Business is fine.

PAUL: Ehh…duh! Business is fine. I know it’s fine. It’s melting my Cavalli’s for Chrissake. Look at these things (pointing to his shoes). Ha. What’s so hard to believe…that I’m interested in coffee?

FERINA: You are a broker.

PAUL: I’m a clearinghouse lab rat. I take instruction from farmers and cereal manufacturers who sweat for a living. I hedge their sweat. They do. I e-do.

FERINA: What is that?

PAUL: (sipping) Something about a digital way of living.

FERINA: You want to trade your nice suits for an apron with….chai stains? Be my guest.

PAUL: Ha. Yeah, I’m a walking Prada showcase, but I’d rather be getting my hands dirty. There’s a big difference…

FERINA: …and you think you know both sides. You have met my father-

PAUL: I love it when you interrupt.

FERINA: Shut up. You have met my father, but you don’t know my father. I manage the store, but he speaks through me. I open my mouth and he talks. That is my interest in this place.

PAUL: A dad is a dad.

FERINA: No. We have a shipment coming today. You know the civet?

PAUL: Yeah, it’s a car. So what?

FERINA: No. Civet! Civet! Do I look like a Honda dealer to you? It is an animal.

PAUL: An animal.

FERINA: Yes. It is called the Luwak in Indonesia. It looks kind of like a cat, but is related to the mongoose.

PAUL: Cool.

FERINA: They are known to eat the best quality coffee cherries in their regions. They eat them raw and red, but they only digest part of the fruit. So when the rest comes out, the locals gather up the beans and they’re roasted to create a very rich and flavorful coffee. It is said that the stomach enzymes of the civet assist in a unique form of fermentation-

PAUL: Hang on. Unique? You said, “when the rest comes out…”

FERINA: Yes.

PAUL: Out.

FERINA: Out. Out of the ass.

PAUL: Out of the….super. (puts down his cup) Makes chicken wieners look oh so delicious. And people are drinking this?!

FERINA: They say it has a syrupy quality that is quite exotic to the taste.

PAUL: Uhh, yeah. I’d put money on it.

FERINA: My father is. He’s bringing several pounds in, here….has the idea that rich attracts rich. And that is that. I’ll receive it. And grind it. And serve it when it is asked for, and take the looks and jokes of the “butt brew” and accept whatever new distinguished reputation this shop should make, because it is his baby. And so am I.

Justin emerges from the back stockroom. Ferina busies herself, partly to shake herself out of frustration.

FERINA: We are opening soon.

PAUL: (making an exit) I’ll drop by later.

FERINA: Sure. Bring some e-doers with you.

PAUL: Perk some Civet.

FERINA: (smiling) Go.

Paul’s on his way, then darts back. His foot catches the closing door. Justin looks on disapprovingly.

PAUL: In case I get my appetite back, what’s a cup of the ol butt brew go for?

FERINA: I’m not sure. It can wholesale for up to $400 a pound.

PAUL backs away towards the street corner and blows Ferina a stunned kiss. Then he’s gone. 7 am. Open for business. But not just another day.

(To be continued….)